NYE was a strange day. Now that I’ve sat with it, I think it was a special day. The day was cold, and I was feeling less enthusiastic and miserable. I felt restless and anxious, crying here and there, not really understanding why. Maybe because it was NYE, grief, and the thought of entering 2026 with so many uncertainties.
I lost my grandma in October 2025, and the festive season was really heavy. Did I celebrate it with a heavy heart? Yes. Did I wallow in pain? Yes. Were there any other emotions I felt that day? No. I was either crying or completely numb.
I was juggling tasks all day — playing games, writing, filming videos, watching shows, playing with my cats, washing clothes. You name it. I listened to music, cried, then carried on with whatever I was doing. I reached a point where I just needed to sit and try to regulate myself, so I tried writing about how my NYE was going. I was sitting in bed, in tears as I typed.
P.S. The piece I wrote that night is already posted and is titled — NYE: the reflection.
I don’t know if you or anyone believes in spiritual encounters. I do. As I was writing, tears were running down my face. It won’t stop. I can’t stop All of a sudden, a whiff of a sweet scent passed by me. I smelled myself — it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my clothes or the sheets. There was no one at home apart from my cats. The scent didn’t linger; it was there for just a second.
I remembered the perfume I bought for my grandma. It was her. I softly said, “Are you here?” and then I completely lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I just uttered the word “nanay.”
My husband arrived home shortly after and saw me crying. He gave me a big hug. I told him what happened, and let’s just say he was not the bravest when it comes to supernatural things. His hug went from comforting to being the one needing comfort. I laughed — that stopped me from sobbing and I felt a little better.
I went back to our room where everything happened. As I entered, there was another whiff — a different scent. This one was familiar. It was my grandfather’s perfume. They were both here.
I felt my grandparents that day. I wasn’t scared. The thought itself was comforting, even if it isn’t real to some, even if it might sound delusional.
As I reflect on this experience, maybe she was telling me that it’s okay — that she’s okay. Maybe it was time to fully accept it. Maybe they were telling me that they are together now. Maybe they were reminding me that they are not gone and that they will always watch over me.
I felt comfort in that. Maybe it is what I need. Maybe they came to tell me that it’s alright — that I can move, that I can accept. The future may be uncertain, and maybe they were telling me to stand through it. Just maybe.
I know it might sound crazy, but I will hold on to that experience. Even if it’s just a maybe, that maybe gives me a little more courage to move forward.
To Nanay and Tatay, thank you. I am not closing any chapters, but I will do my very best to move forward. Thank you for still taking care of me. Thank you for making me feel, even for a short time, that everything is okay. I love you both.
Till we meet again.
Eri's Thoughts 